10/10/09

Un relat de: AnNna

Uns somriures desorbitats li havien ocupat els llavis, sense contracte ni pagar lloguer, però ella no els feia fora. De carburant, gastava sort. La perdia i tot, tenia el tub foradat i per allà on passava hi quedava un rastre brillant, de purpurina. Era superior a tot, i sense voler-ho, llançava mirades per sobre l'espatlla i riallades maquiavèl·liques quan veia desgraciats que es quedaven a les portes del gran paradís, o que queien abans d'acabar la cursa. Se sentia Déu, podríem dir, o algú amb la benedicció suprema. El dipòsit de petons i abraçades era ben ple i, de tant en tant, es passava de carícies i vessava. Després d'un llarg trajecte en la penombra i la grisor de la monotonia, la vida se li pintava de colors i cridava consignes plenes de cors: la salvació, el premi, el missatge, la moral, l'objectiu, la maduresa, el sentit, el somni. O tot allò que s'ha d'aconseguir en aquest món. Tot era seu. La mort podia presentar-se-li una nit a casa, si volia, que la convidaria a apuntar-se a la festa que hi havia sota els llençols. Tot i res fet un garbuix. El bastó, la columna i l'amic, el gos, les rodes i la paraula. Seu, tot seu. L'estómac envejava el cor: no hi havia cuina al món per igualar aquella delícia. I el cervell sabia que la tenia guardada a la capsa dels tresors del primer calaix. Amb pany i clau, perquè ningú mai fent neteja pogués llençar-l'hi. Mai, mai, mai. El bombó era seu. Se l'havia guanyat, era el seu premi. A més, estava segura que si algú se'l posava a la boca, màgicament perdria la seva cremosa xocolata i seria amarg, negre, cacau pur. Era seu, i els dos ho sabien. Sempre. Perquè enlloc hi havia cap data de caducitat. I en tenia mil garanties firmades en tovallons de paper mentals. Ho era tot. Unes ulleres enamorades, un llibre, unes roses, uns tiquets rebregats i un bitllet de tren. Era unes onades que vénen i un lladruc de gos, una ràdio que es talla i una incrèdula foto de carnet. Fins el pal de la ce trencada de la paraula feliç. El futur i el passat, el present i el pensament. Sabia que res podia anar a millor, i que res podia anar malament. Sabia que sempre seria una pel·lícula de jovenetes de quinze anys. Ho sabia. Era evident.


Avui, però, es lleva i no sap res. El món s'ha regirat, els núvols s'han fet llimones i els bolis blaus treuen quètxup. Els mossos d'esquadra li han desocupat la cara, i han precintat els llavis en una ganyota apagada. Ha perdut tot allò en què creia. Ha guanyat dos números de peu, perquè l'ànima i l'alè dels pulmons han baixat fins a l'infern. Espera, desitja, somia, tot i que sap que els morts no poden fer-ho. I quan en només tres hores algú rep més de deu forats entre coll i melic, el cor no li batega. Quan la realitat esdevé cotó, quan el cervell esdevé pregunta, és impossible saber qui som i si podem ser qui érem quan tot era normal. És impossible saber. No, avui no sap res. Només que cada llàgrima li recorda aquell que un dia havia de ser protagonista de mil poemes, l'amo de tantes promeses, la causa de tantes bromes i el motiu dels seus neguits. Aquell que feia sonar l'instrument que deixava anar la melodia perfecta. L'àngel de la guarda. El que li va donar el regal més gran i la bufetada més forta. Només sap que cada gota que baixa és ell. Perquè la sal de la llàgrima és la mateixa sal que perfuma el seu record.

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  • gypsy | 28-12-2009

    Un relat de vivències que normalment marquen a les persones o deixen una petjada d'un abans i un després. La forma és directa i crua, com demana el drama, el descobriment que no tot és com havíem somiat. I potser és cert que mai no es pot tornar enrere: a ser com érem quan tot era normal.
    Crec que l'expressió del text és fresca i original amb frases contundents que expliciten de manera clara la duresa del que pot ser la vida en un moment o altre en les vides de les persones.

    Ha estat un plaer enriquidor llegir-te, tens una manera molt personal de fer literatura. Penso que és un text molt bo, sincerament.

    Una abraçada.


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    PD: Estic fent la ruta dels 42 relats en prosa i trobo que es descobreixen coses sorprenents que potser no hauríem llegit mai.

  • Que sempre...[Ofensiu]
    onatge | 25-12-2009 | Valoració: 10

    Tinguis la bona companyia d'un relat...

    Salut i presència.
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  • Si aquest relat...[Ofensiu]

    Si aquest relat és un dels teus preferits, em va molt bé per desitjar-te... Bones Festes

  • Relat estrany[Ofensiu]
    copernic | 23-12-2009


    i enigmàtic en el que sembla una anada d'olla que conforma un discurs mental potser ininteligible per a no iniciats. No t'he llegit gaire però aquest relat m'ha fet seguir fins al final sense cap problema, sense cap entrebanc i això vol dir que la prosa és fluïda i que entra bé. Les paraules són precises, les descripcions acurades i alguna frase fins i tot, brillant. De tant en tant s'entreveu alguna clariana enmig del núvol del "cacau mental" però si t'he de dir la veritat m'he perdut. Si vols algun consell d'algú que també en rep de consells (aquí tots som aprenents) fes llegir a algun amic o amgia sincer/a i que et digui si l'ha entès. Moltes vegades nosaltres ja ens entenem però hem de transmetre aquesta comprensió al lector. El talent és innegable que el tens però també s'ha de posar una mica d'ordre en el text. Rep una abraçada i petons de Nadal!

  • Escriptura enigmàtica[Ofensiu]
    iong txon | 24-10-2009

    però intueixo que bona. Segueix insistint.

    Per molts anys!

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    Encara guardo la foto que em vas fer a la pizzeria. Moltes gràcies!

  • AnNna[Ofensiu]
    Leela | 16-10-2009

    el teu relat m'ha encantat. El trobo ple d'imatges enginyoses i divertides malgrat que el tema del que tracta no ho sigui gens.
    Calçar dos números més de sabates perquè part del nostre cos ha baixat a l'infern, és una imatge genial (i no et faig la pilota, la trobo molt aconseguida i molt poètica). El relat està molt ben lligat i fa que el lector pugui gaudir d'una immersió dins del teu món, un món fantàstic on l'estómac enveja el cor i els tovallons del bar sobrevolen els nostres cap dient 'per sempre'. Potser el final és salat però aviat podràs posar-te les sabates de taló de princesa, mentre tant gràcies per oferir-nos aquest relat ;-DD

    Una abraçadota!!!!

  • Pocs cops m'enganxen els relats[Ofensiu]
    Galzeran (homefosc) | 16-10-2009

    que no passo a paper, però aquesta manera teva d'anar trenant els mots m'ha enganxat a la primera, no he pogut deixar de llegir, i això em passa poc sovint. Aquí ens omplim, tot sovint de mots afalagadors els uns als altres, però jo no sóc d'eixe món. Quan dic que una cosa està ben escrita, és perquè m'ha agradat, i perquè està ben escrita, i aquest relat teu és un 20 points, i que els deus incrementin l'orgull banal dels altres.
    Tu ets una crakc literària AnNnA.

    Felicitats pel relat.

    Ferran



    PS
    Sí, ja sé que no ens hem tractat gaire bé mai, i mira que hem coincidit en trobades, però això no vol dir que deixi de ser sincer en un comentari, un altre dia potser et deixo pel terra, qui sap?
    Una abraçada, i jastà.
    Ferran

  • Un dia ho ets tot i l'altre has perdut[Ofensiu]
    Romy Ros | 16-10-2009 | Valoració: 10

    el nord...aquestes sensacions les hem experimentat tots alguna vegada a la vida...però tu ho has decrit magistralment. La dualitat de l'ésser en la seva fragilitat. Endavant i espero que ja tornis a ser tan vital com sempre. M'ha agradat molt el teu relat: "El secret de la felicitat no és fer sempre el que es vol, sino voler sempre el que es fa". Leon Tolstoi.

  • Dates que marquen![Ofensiu]
    Mercè Bellfort | 13-10-2009 | Valoració: 10

    He llegit i rellegit els teus mots i crec que es confirma aquella teoria relacionada amb la descàrrega emocional, aquella en què l'escriptor transmet tot el que li cou dins seu de forma sublim i sincera quan es troba en moments baixos.
    Si pretenies el què et dic t'asseguro que ho has aconseguit a bastament. Escrius de ... mare!
    T'envio moltes abraçades reconfortants, AnNna de les tres enes. M'agradaria que quan llegeixis aquestes paraules estiguis més animada. Ja veus que sempre tens amics a Relats per escoltar-te i llegir-te.
    Endavant, sempre endavant!

    Mercè

  • Fins el pal de la ce trencada de la paraula feliç[Ofensiu]
    jacobè | 12-10-2009

    Sento que el que t'hagi fet tornar a escriure sigui la tritesa, però m'alegro molt de retrobar-te amb aquesta prosa poètica.
    No has deixat de ser tu. Metàfores dolces i melangioses. Maduresa amb espurnes d'innocència.
    Sempre et llegeixo amb un somriure als llavis.

Valoració mitja: 8.9

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